It's only human

We were not created to be the same. We are not meant to be the same. We were created differently. We are meant to be different. These differences are what makes us human. It is both a gift and a curse. It has given us some of the greatest artists and some of the greatest anarchists as well (and sometimes both are the #sameguy). But what it has given us the most is something so simple yet so difficult to understand - right and wrong, good and bad, black and white...so much so that everything is grey. 

The more I think about it, the clearer it becomes. To me at least. And that's the whole point. What may seem as clear as a bright sunny day to me might seem like a foggy winter morning to someone else. Something that makes me jump out of my skin with horror may not even bother someone else enough to get a reaction out of them. What I may see as beautiful and elegant may look grotesque and ugly to another. Music to my ears, noise that makes his ears bleed. A combination of different flavors just the thought of which makes my mouth water, an abomination which makes someone else's stomach turn. You get the idea, I hope, because it's quite possible that you didn't. 

So everyone is different, but some are more different than others. (Mostly) Everything is distributed normally, i.e. the maximum number of people agree with what can be termed as "common sense" and there is a decreasing variation on either side of this view. These cases range from the 'slightly different' to the 'poles apart' in their thinking. This variation is a result of who that person is and what he thinks. So, while you might encounter people who agree with you, the people who don't agree are not doing it intentionally. They are different, and they see, hear and understand things differently. Hence, they think and act differently. 

I can't help but believe that this is why all conflicts occur. If only we could see the other person's point of view, we would understand the reason behind the friction. A little thing called empathy does go a long way to help you do that, but it isn't enough. Empathy is a tough not to crack, the hardest part of which is to be able to control your own emotions. Having someone disagree with you is not a pleasant thought for (almost) anybody. Instinct tells me to correct and defend rather than introspect and comprehend. And it is all downhill from there. So is my train of thought, dammit!

What I'm trying to get to is that common sense is uncommon not because people are idiots, but because they are different and it doesn't occur naturally to them. The same applies to you and me as well. Instead of trying to understand the reasons behind the conflict, understanding the people behind those reasons is important, according to me at least. 

Source: Ads Of The World

P.S. - Somehow this pic made sense to me for this post. But I'm not sure if it will to other people. Just illustrating a point. 

Black

Darkness. All around. As far as the eyes could see. And beyond. Total absence of light. Absolute. The only discernible things being the ground beneath your feet and the air you breathe. Heavy, invisible. Not even your own body. Total darkness. Like a conciousness floating in space. You know it's there, you can feel it, but you can't see it. Seeing is believing. You walk with, what you think are, your hands groping the emptiness, searching for boundaries, something other than yourself to touch. Nothing. You shout, your voice travelling ever so far without even a glimpse of a reflection. Nothing. You walk around in every direction looking for an end.

Nothing happens.

Time goes by, you don't know how much.

You decide to give up. You want to wake up from this nightmare. You decide to wait for the lights to turn back on. You want to stop being afraid.

Nothing happens.

Time goes by, you don't know how much.

Then suddenly, a sound. A ringing sound. Growing louder and more violent with each passing moment. And then, there was light. Lots of it. And sweat, all over your body. Your happiness, dwarfed only by relief. Your body, still the way you remember it, visible. The walls, tangible, visible and in every direction. Relief, almost tangible. You decide to get hold of your bearings. You want to shake it off, wait for it to sink in.

Time goes by, you don't care how much.

Nothing happens.

Everything remains. The relief still overwhelming. Everything seems wonderful. Even the smallest, simplest and othewise most insignificant. It just seems alive. You have a bounce in your step. Happiness starts to take over. Everything falls into place. The sky is blue. The grass is green. The leaves rustle in the wind. The people smile and laugh. The world is a better place.

Time goes by, you don't care how much.

Nothing happens.

Then suddenly, a sound. A ringing sound. Growing louder and more violent with each passing moment. Piercing through your ears. The people disappear, the winds change, the leaves fall, the grass withers, the sky darkens. The pain, too hard to bear. Your head, ready to explode.

And then, there was darkness. All around. As far as the eyes could see. And beyond.

Nothing happens.

Time goes by, you don't know how much.

Shot in the dark

A sliver of light in the distance, illuminating the soul and the path to freedom. There is nothing but absolute darkness, the unknown, in between. Courage to step forward is brewing up inside, while fear trickles down, tightening its grip and weighing down the mind. The heart races, pumping blood to every inch of the body, egging it on. The eyes widen, searching for the way out, so eager to bask in the glory of the mysterious light. The hands curl up, sweaty from wiping the forehead, uncertain, fingers digging into the palms, trying to stop shaking. The darkness looms far and wide, the light ever so distant. The legs go numb, knees start to buckle under the weight, the head starts to bow down in resignation, the eyes shut close, holding back the teary floods, arms rise up in a cry for help, ready to concede defeat.

At that exact moment, a whisper echoes through the nothingness, a familiar voice resonating with words of encouragement, of hope. Words that seem to contain the wisdom of ages, the strength of the gods and the courage of a warrior. Fear begins to lose its hold, the darkness begins to lose its depth and the light begins to seem closer. As the body rises up again, the eyes looking down into the emptiness, head held high, the crack widens. Light filters through, piercing through the blackness, forcing its way into the heart, its warmth running through the veins now, waiting for the first step.

A single, small step forward, in the dark, and the path to illumination is lit, forever.

High: This post.

Low: Have to study :(

Points: To whoever they may concern.

Image source: dealing with vagaries

Just another day

No sign of chocolates or flowers or stuffed toys or pink or anything remotely close to reminding me about what today is supposed to be famous for. It was just another ordinary Sunday. No gifts to be bought, no lunch dates to attend, no women to please, just a bunch of single guys hanging out together. All in all, not that bad a day. (Kritz did ask me to be her valentine, which I gratefully accepted, but she was caught up in homework and midterms so I guess she didn't mind me not taking her out (I'll make it upto you darling, I promise). Technically, it counts as not being single :P)

Saw "My name is Khan" today and for the life of me can't fathom the reason, apart from big money, for people giving it such exceptionally high ratings. The first half was nothing short of torture to me. Karan Johar tries to make a grown-up flick but can't resist doing what he does best in the first half - corny, cheesy and mushy to the point of making me want to scream inside a packed cinema hall. The acting was good, I know the autism thing is a sensitive topic, but seriously it felt like SRK was a bit over the top in places. Nothing unusual about that now, is there. It picked up in the second half and thankfully did not dip throughout. I couldn't find anything to cry about though, I'd heard people have cried a lot (I do occasionally shed a tear or two while watching really good movies). My favorite part is when he goes to the mosque and stops the evil doctor from brainwashing innocent young minds. That was brilliant, how such a big misconception can be resolved by even the simplest of minds. In conclusion, it was the Bollywood version of Forrest Gump, could've been better though. And thank you KJo for not putting in any song and dance routines, must have been tough to control the urge with both SRK and Kajol in the same frame (can forgive you for the wedding one, force of habit we know). For the record, "My name is Sid, and I did not like MNIK that much".

Was supposed to post this last night but fell asleep. Just got off a bus to the office after my daily dose of (physio)therapy. 15 minute walk to my cabin in the scorching heat, soaked in sweat, tired and sleepy already. It's going to be a long day.

It was a long day. Didn't do much either. I think the medicine I'm taking is sleep inducing or it could just be the boring slides I was supposed to study or just the usual post-lunch drowsiness. On my way home now, in a bus which feels like it'll break into two halves on the next speedbreaker. It was rattling like a bird-cage and shaking so much that I couldn't even type.

Back home now, just as I was about to log on, guess what? Have to wait another hour or so now to just publish this! Hmph!

High: Dinner. Proper roadside van style noodles in the food court. Reminded me of home.

Low: The rest of the day, except for a 30 second phone conversation.

Points: XOXOX points to Kritz. Miss you!

Broken

I've always been sort of destructive, not by choice but by chance. I have been responsible for more broken glass items than the number of pieces you would expect a broken glass to yield. My folks used to curse the stars (moon, planets etc) and tried to keep away from breakable stuff. They should have tried harder.

As I grew up, the ailment matured into something else. It got bored of breaking other stuff so it got to work on my own body. And man it hurts. There isn't a joint on my body that doesn't have a scar or chronic pain to show for it. Some accidents are not my fault, it was just being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Like when I was run over by a car from behind, have a bent vertebra in my backbone as proof. Then there were these pedestrians who stopped dead in the middle of the road while I was approaching on a bike. But the injuries that hurt most are the ones which are a result of stupidity. For the sake of avoiding public humiliation on multiple counts, I will recount only the most recent and stupidest incidents. I was taking off my pants, my foot got caught and I fell sideways. I used my left hand to break the fall, but the wall was a bit too far and it just buckled under all the weight and momentum. The pain!

So both my shoulders are partially out of service and are undergoing physiotherapy at the moment. Bloody 3k down the drain too. There's nothing else left to break now so I hope I don't.

High: Got NFS Most Wanted again. Love that game.

Low: Have to go the hospital everyday at 9am and do an hour of physiotherapy for 8 more days.

Points: -1000 points to me.

Bad, bad world?

Is the world so bad? I mean, being a cynic, I would love to say that it is and, to a large extent, believe that it is too. But there are parts of me that want to believe that all is not bad and ugly, parts that want me to trust people, even complete strangers. I just want to be able to walk out of my house in the middle of the day or in the dead of the night to take a walk without having to worry about have I locked the door and closed all the windows properly or not. If I leave my vehicle unlocked or forget my keys, is it absolutely improbable that by the time I get back it would not be there? Small things like these are always playing at the back of my mind, I guess everyone's, and this makes life a little more difficult than it already is. I know it's impossible to be able to do that, but how wonderful it would be if it were possible. I'm drawing a blank again now. Sigh.

High: Not that bad a Sunday.

Low: High. Sigh. Also, have lost all interest in sports.

Points: To anyone who can suggest an awesome movie to watch, 1000 points.

Update: Felt like posting a pic, flickr gave this when I searched for New Zealand. Sigh. Droooool. Sigh. Will post link to original soon, blogging from iPod.

(click to enlarge, it's awesome)

Image source: /\ltus

Another attempt

I'm trying to get into the habit again. I've completely lost touch with it. I'm having to think about the next sentence every time I finish one. Don't have anything to write after the last one, neither this one. Pause. Thinking................

Still got nothing. Watched Wipeout on AXN, can be really funny at times. Really wanted to watch Avatar today, couldn't go. Might go tomorrow, alone though. Rochak has an exam in Bangalore tomorrow and no one else is free/around to give me company. Heard it's too long so might even decide not to go at all. You'll find out when you find out I guess.

The terrace of my house is an amazing place. On cloudless nights I can see more stars than the total I can see in Delhi in a year maybe. On cloudy ones, it is just great to see the moon playing hide and seek with the thin veil of fast moving clouds. Full moon nights are just awesome. It's like a spotlight, even more so when there's a blackout (which is quite often). And there's a constant cool breeze to add to that. Sigh.

Champions League highlights on TV, thank God! Have lost all touch with the world of sports as well. Most of the fault lies with my cable operator, he just doesn't think anything other than Cricket is a sport! Been ages since I watched an entire football match, a set of tennis even, let alone 5 consecutive overs of cricket. I'm not even sure if India won the test series against SL and how much exactly did Veeru score in the series (heard he clobbered the living daylights out of them). Roomies watch WWE a lot, so that's the only sport I'm kinda in touch with. See what I mean!

OK I give up! Nothing meaningful is going to come out of my head even if I keep typing all night. Off to bed.

Felt like posting an image, googled full moon+cloudy, then switched to flickr. Found one I liked but can't seem to be able to paste it here so you will just have to check it out for yourself by clicking here.

Low: The boredom.

High: None that I can think of.

Points: -1000 points to whoever is looking over the programming on TV. It sucks!!

Mysore-Delhi-Mysore - Part 2

Sorry about the 20 day lapse. 10 of them were really awesome and I didn't have any time t0 sit down and blog about it. A lot of things have changed but almost everything else is the same, just the way I remember it and love it. I was moblogging on my way to the airport on 23rd night but then felt so sleepy after reaching the airport that I couldn't anymore and there's no use posting half of it, well I can't anymore because I deleted it. Met almost all my family and friends, some of them more than just once, which is great considering the amount of time I had. If I only I had a car all to myself, I could have made more trips. Watched movies in multiplexes according to my choice without standing in mile-long queues for getting the tickets. Ate the best food in the world, at home. Slept like a log on MY bed and did not feel like waking up at all, haven't slept so peacefully in a long time. It was just perfect.

Going back again in December for 5 days to attend Vishal's wedding and other related ceremonies. I'm so excited at the thought of going back again already, almost like I'm holding my breath. Also looking forward to some of you coming down here for Prerana's wedding. (Two down, who's next?)

Back in Mysore, the same old grind. Weekdays are just a big black blot on the calendar and the weekends are highlighted in gold and silver. The first few days after coming back were quite depressing but we got the hang of it pretty soon. Last weekend was....I actually can't recall what we did...must've been indoors all the time. This week was much better, there is a lot of work to do and it's not boring at all. Friday night was our first team dinner and that's about all am going to say about it. Went to the campus yesterday after a long time (on a weekend) and played TT. Felt great, although my shoulder did play spoilt-sport. Need physiotherapy for sure. Watched District 9, brilliant sci-fi flick. Going to watch Man On Wire today (check reviews on RottenTomatoes). Please suggest some great movies, which make you go WOW!

Read Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terri Pratchett, FUNNY!! Also read The Icon by Forsyth but I think I already told you that. Reading Dan's latest - The Lost Symbol. Same old plot, same old characters, buying it seems like a mistake right now. Can only hope it gets better. Next on the list - Three Men In A Boat, supposed to be funny too.

Check out Teach For India. They have a really good program for providing quality education to the less privileged. Second phase of registrations going on, hurry if you're interested.

I need new headphones too. Any suggestions?

High: Refer to para 1.

Low: Refer pic (file photo dated 26/06/2008, location Nandu's old house, Nish and Vishal not in picture). Peru, Vruni, Happy and KRITZ weren't there this time. Curses! Also, just realized, did not click a single pic while I was at home. Doh!!

Points: I'm feeling generous. 1000 points to everyone!

In Love?

Life without love is like deep fried chicken without the flavour. Love is like the constant feeling of that flavour hitting your taste buds for the first time, of wanting to savour every single morsel, of hoping that the bucket will never empty no matter how much you eat, of realising that if this is what heaven has to offer to me, I would gladly die right this moment. It is like the drive-through where you don't have to stop for even one second, the restaurant where they serve what you are craving for most right now, whatever it may be, the hot coffee on a cold winter night, the cold coffee on a hot summer afternoon, the first mango of the season, the last piece of the chocolate cake in the fridge. It is better than getting the bigger share of the pie, the aroma which tells you that your favourite dish is being prepared, finding out that the person who used to make the dish you used to love and thought would never be able to taste again, except for in your childhood memories, is back. It is that and so much more.

Sounds too good to be true? Unfortunately that is the case. We are not equipped to handle this amount of happiness, the sheer bliss. We need preservatives, cold storage, calorie counts, insulin shots. We just aren't made that way. And that is what we have to realise, there is no such thing as a free lunch. You have to workout so that you can eat pancakes with maple syrup for breakfast, watch the weighing scale to be able to order extra cheese on your hamburger, skip lunch so that you can enjoy the buffet at night.

Life is when there is too much salt in your food, you find a squashed bug in your burger, the milk in the fridge that went bad, the burnt steak at the barbecue, waking up in the middle of the night feeling hungry and finding absolutely nothing to eat. It's not fair, but that's life. Can't do anything about it, except take it in your stride and deal with it. So if you want love in your life, just remember that love doesn't come without the life factor either.

High: Slept a lot.

Low: The four hours I spent alone in the hot sunny afternoon. Not that I wanted company, it just gave me time to think. I don't like to think these days.

Points: To Nandu, for suggesting the movie City Of Angels. Beautiful movie, do watch. Oh, that's 1000 points.

Another TAG

This one is self-inflicted since I don't feel like writing anything down. Picked it up from Anu.
Here are the rules:

a) Link the person who tagged you.
b) Post the rules on your blog.
c) Share the ABCs of you.
d) Tag 3 people at the end of your post by linking to them.
e) Let the 3 people know of the tag by leaving them comments.
f) Do not tag the original ‘tagger’

My ABCs:

A – Available/Single? - Both

B – Best friend? - If there was only one, I would have named.

C – Cake or Pie? - Haven't had enough pies, so Cake.

D – Drink of choice? - Anything with lemon in it.

E – Essential item you use every day? - Music player on my phone.

F – Favorite colour? - Blue for clothes, Green landscapes, Electric Purple for material things.

G – Gummy Bears Or Worms? - None.

H – Hometown? - Dilli, my favourite place in the world.

I – Indulgence? - Food.

J – January or February? - Jan, has birthdays and holidays.

K – Kids & their names? - Depends on the wife :P

L – Life is incomplete without? - F for friends.

M – Marriage date? - A Saturday in early December.

N – Number of siblings? - 1 Kid brother, more than enough.

O – Oranges or Apples? - Tough one. Can't choose. Though you don't need to peel Apples, but it's hard to find good ones.

P – Phobias/Fears? - Heights.

Q – Quote for today? - "Life! Sigh..."

R – Reason to smile? - Vacation plans in place.

S – Season? - Spring.

T – Tag 3 People? - Nandu, Aabha, Happy.

U – Unknown fact about me? - I can fly, but only when no one is looking.

V – Vegetables you don't like? - Tinday, don't know what they're called in English.

W – Worst habit? - Over-eating.

X – X-rays you've had? - Multiple. The last one I had showed a fracture in my spinal cord. True story, was run over by a car.

Z – Zodiac sign? - Cancer. Extremely Moody.

Yawn. Such a boring tag, didn't even feel like having fun with it. Later.

Glow in the dark house?

I was about to type a title for this post, when the auto-complete feature gave me this along with few of my previous post titles. I've definitely never used it for any of my posts. Weird. But I didn't have to think about writing one either, so thanks.

Thursday was boring as usual. Nothing much happened and didn't feel like writing down the same useless crap over and over again. Friday was better. Finished off what I was supposed to do and then didn't do anything else for the rest of the day. Any work that is. Just remembered, on Thursday evening went a friend's place for dinner, her boyfriend cooked. Stuffed capsicum was good, baked potatoes with cream were kinda raw (the guy insisted that they were supposed to be that way so technically they were good too) and chicken something (they didn't give me a name for it) was great. Somehow home-made food makes me want to eat much more than I actually can.

Had received an email from Microsoft about Bill Gates addressing a conference in Delhi with some high level politicians like Kapil Sibal etc. and there was a link to where we could watch it live. So I thought why not, maybe there'll be something interesting. At least it'll help me kill another hour off the clock. So I followed the link and it tells me that I need Silverlight to be able to view the video. I had heard about it a lot and seen a demo in class once. This thing is totally awesome. I recommend you try it today. I had to raise a request to the tech guys for getting it installed and they gave me a link for their own server where it was available. It worked. So since I was on the MS site I decided to check out Windows 7. It looks really cool, hopefully it won't disappoint like Vista. So I took the tour, watched all the videos and then installed IE8 from the same server and a whole lot of other stuff which they don't normally allow you to have (like flash plugin for the browsers, that's just stupid). Since everything was built using Silverlight, the videos didn't take anytime to load at all. Then I started googling for sites that use Silverlight and found some really cool stuff. Do check it out. Had to attend a boring and annoyingly long meeting in the evening which just killed the mood.

Rochak had to leave early as he was going to Hyderabad for the weekend. Reached home and did nothing for 2-3 hours, just sat in a chair switching channels. Watched The Longest Yard again, fun movie. Kapil felt like cooking so he did (dal and rice), but I didn't feel like eating, so I didn't. Drank Fanta and munched on Kurkure. Got hungry by 11 so made soupy Maggi (with actual tomato soup powder, wasn't much of a difference). Kept channel surfing till 2.30 am (which came to me as a surprise really) and then decided to call it a night.

Woke up really late. Did nothing since morning. Have downloaded the first (actually fourth) episode of MST3K, will watch it today, the concept is just too funny. Decided to make Rajma so called up mom and asked her what all I'm going to need. Turns out have almost everything except the Rajma, so finally got out of bed, had a bath and went shopping. Got everything plus replenished the Lays and Kurkure stock. Had a glass of milk after coming back and have been online since. Another power cut, dammit! Will tell you how the Rajma turned out. Stay tuned.

High: The possibility of going on a vacation this weekend.

Low: Plan didn't materialize.

Points: 150 points for Sandeep (the boyfriend) for a great meal. Thanks.

Two more days

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. Went to work. Sat around wasting time during the first half. Had lunch, something called Chicken Istoo (they just change the names, it’s tastes the same) which didn’t really agree with me. Tried to find something for the paper I’m supposed to write and submit by the end of the week but couldn’t so gave up. Went to Rochak’s cabin and slept like a log for a good one and a half hours, pure bliss. Decided to go home earlier than usual and make dinner ourselves, instead of eating in the food court in campus. Prachi also joined us. And so we made Pao Bhaji. It’s easier than some people might think. Just boil the veggies, chop up a lot of tomatoes and onions (don’t boil them), mix and mash everything, put in the readymade Pao Bhaji Masala and salt to taste, top it with a big dollop of butter and you’re done. Needless to say it was great.


Slept earlier than usual but still woke up late. I never used to sleep so much. Today was fun. Forwarded a mail to everyone which turned into a chat session. Wasted a good three hours or so. We should keep doing that now and again. After lunch, I had this project evaluation to do. Since I had no idea about what I should mark them on, I just asked them to explain what they had done and in some cases checked the output. There hasn’t been a more generous project evaluator ever, 14 out of the 16 people got a perfect score. Wish we had evaluators like that. Some of them actually knew everything, Rochak taught them a little too well! Dozed off for an hour in the office again after writing this.

High: The nap in office.

Low: Couldn't be at Kritika's farewell party. Gonna miss you so much! :(

Points: 30 points to me for being too generous at the evaluation.

Of Klingons and sleeping disorders

I have not slept in the last 20 hours and I don't feel like going to bed even now. I have been awake all night mostly doing nothing and then watching the new Star Trek movie for the last two hours. It was very late night when I started and it's early morning as it finished. I was actually taken aback for a second as I looked away from the screen and saw natural light coming through the window panes.

It's been ages since I did this sort of a thing. Last instance I can remember was during training when one of our friends had got one of those USB modem internet connections. It had barely been two months and we hadn't used internet properly for that duration of time. So me and Rochak (who had just bought a new iPod Touch) sat through the night doing I don't remember what on the internet. I'm sure I must've blogged that day. OK there isn't any post which mentions that day but I guess that was the time when I used to write on InfyBlogs and then mail the post to myself and then post it here. So that night I must've scheduled a weeks worth of posts to be published one day at a time.

Oh there's another time I remember. Me, Rochak, Rachit and Atul had gone to Ooty and spent the night playing cards and playing pranks and what not. Got tired and went out for hot tea as soon as the first rays of light hit the surface. It was very chilly outside, which made the tea/coffee even more enjoyable. Good times.

The movie was great. I'm sure there is a whole new generation of Star Trek fans waiting in the ranks for something like this to make them come out in support. Hope they make sequels. Rating: 4.5 stars

I think I overestimated myself about the sleep, it suddenly started to kick in. Guess it's the music. Should I brush my teeth right now or when I wake up in the evening?

Definitely need to sleep. Later.

Hmmmmmm

Was just reading the previous post, and realised the first para was pretty stupid. Oh well, I'm not complaining, that's probably the most inspired writing I've done since Obama became President! Not exactly inspired, flowy is more like it. By the way, the title of the last post was because of this app on Facebook where people put up quizzes about themselves and have their friends answer it. I had put up an absurd quiz just for fun and obviously people didn't do very well in that one. Then I put up the real quiz, and still they didn't do well. Some of them even did worse! I thought you read my blog, they were all right out of these pages. Whatever. Enough about that now.

Listening to Jagjit Singh ghazals. There's a certain serenity associated with them which just soothes me. I remember gifting my dad a best of collection for his birthday. He loved it, still does. There would be some quiet evenings, where none of us had anything to do (mostly weekends) after having lazed about the whole day, dad would put both the cassettes in the music player and it would just keep playing over and over in the background, and having nothing better to do, I listened to them. The lyrics are just beautiful, there's no other way of describing them, and his voice is oh my god! The use of language is just mind-blowing (pretty difficult to decipher in some cases, hardcore urdu, but beautiful nonetheless), especially the metaphors and the irony. You should really try them sometime. If you do decide to, I would recommend the compilation titled 'A Journey', has some of his best.

Have a subscription to this site which sends you comics everyday via email. Got a nice one today, it's called Rabbits Against Magic:

Two rabbits are sitting in a bar having a drink.

Loser Rabbit: "If you want to look on the positive side, you could say that disappointments are a way for making more room for hope."

Both of them take another swig of their drink.

Other Rabbit: "You might wanna consider renting out some of yours."

I want to watch Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince! The last movie rocked despite the average literature they had to work with. This one wasn't much better, so I have my expectations. I stopped looking for the bookish elements in the movies a long time back, since it only leads to disappointment. I would rather enjoy the movie for what it is and cherish whatever is left of the legacy (just one more movie to go, what after that!! Please someone make a crappy TV series or something). It's got a pretty good rating on RT, so I have my fingers crossed.

Feel like posting an image but can't think of anything to search for. Couldn't find anything on Flickr under 'bored'. Here's what I think I'll do. I'm going to post a link to one of my older posts which I think is worth reading again, and in case you had missed it earlier, it's your lucky day.

This is a nice one: Till the end of food.., enjoy!

P.S. - I had always wanted to keep my blog strictly for proper writing. You know, complete sentences, no SMS lingo (which I still don't use), proper punctuations, oh hell it's the OCD OK! If you have noticed (of course you haven't), that I used to follow those rules till a while back. Then I said to myself that there's no point in doing all that. I got rid of the complete sentences thingy, and a few others too (can't list them), but just don't like untidy stuff. Yes, I know, OCD is a medical condition, thank you very much.

High: Didn't get drenched while coming back from the office. And the comic maybe.

**Update**: Don't know how I forgot about this. Just watched "Up", the latest animation flick from Pixar. Really nice, heartwarming and obviously funny. 4 stars.

Low: Ordered the wrong chicken (Kadai instead of Tikka Masala) for dinner.

Points: -100 to lazy roomie who didn't want to go out to this nice resto bar we heard about. It's been ages since I ate at properly (ahem) at a nice place.

+1 to Nandu to shut her up about the points. There, happy now? >:D

How well do I know me?

There are parts of me which scream out that I do and there are some which say who the hell are you? I'll be honest here and say that I prefer the latter because the ones that do know me don't like me very much. Can't really blame them, there isn't much to like anyway. Beneath the good, sensitive, compassionate, caring and loving nice guy hides a vile and horrifyingly disgusting monster who is eating away from the inside, biding his time, waiting for something, a sign maybe, or just the right moment to burst out and unleash his wrath. I don't want to be that guy. I know his deepest, darkest secrets and they give me nightmares. Living with that kind of burden inside you, who wouldn't become a monster. I can listen to his thoughts, picture his delusional fantasies in my head, even feel him shaking my bones trying to break free sometimes. I have been tempted on quite a few occasions to let go, give in to the pain and put an end to this living hell by embracing the horror, but I have survived somehow, barely.

It feeds on my anger and hate, sometimes even managing to pull his ugly head through the cracking walls and show a glimpse of what is on its way sooner rather than later. I will regret those moments of weakness for as long as the walls can hold out, there have been some repairs, although not complete, because forgiveness isn't quite the same as forgetting. It's just a matter of time before he starts using these moments to widen the cracks and make me forget to regret. But I don't want to forget, these cracks remind me of who I really am, or was. I just want to be him, want him to be stronger, want him to keep fighting so that I can keep being that guy. I have to help him reinforce the walls, find some way to get rid of the frustration, the hatred, make it less painful to remember, to forgive him. There must be a way to make things better, he must find it before it's too late. So help me God.


Sounds good na? Doesn't make a lot of sense though, but well written none the less wouldn't you say? Had started out with nothing in mind, well maybe intended it to be a bit funny, but my god how things end up sometimes! That's the magic of keeping a flow, it just happens on it's own.

P.S. - For some of my friends, don't worry! I'm perfectly all right, not sad or depressed or on the edge of insanity (maybe a little bit). It just came out this way, wasn't thinking about anything or anyone. Wasn't thinking at all for that matter!

High: This post! :)

Low: The monotony.

Points: 100 points to Nandu for finally posting something, though I have a feeling she did it just for the points :P

-1000 points to whoever is responsible for the power cut. I want to post this on my blog and go to sleep asap! My roomie is going to kill me, or worse leave without me to go to office, if I make him late for his class in the morning.

It's raining

Today as I was coming home, riding on the pillion seat of a bike and getting drenched in the continuous downpour since the maid washed our clothes and was about to hang them up to dry (it was Monday I think, they still haven't dried), with my friend and teammate Prachi riding her newly acquired Honda scooty slowly and steadily behind us, I was reminded about how I used to ride Aastha's scooty in college. I crashed it only once, that too in the college parking itself, twisted my ankle in the process, had a limp for about a week. Also used Nandita's scooty a lot, one day I remember especially well, when I took it all the way to DCE! Man that was a fun day! We ended up in Feroz Shah Kotla of all places and walked around the ground (it's freakishly small), even went close to the pitch, went to all the best stands to enjoy the view of the lush green outfield and that too just like that! No entry passes, special permissions or using known contacts, we just strolled in. Happy days, sigh.

Riding a bike in the rain is no fun at all. You get too wet and there is the constant scare of a fast car just splashing you with all the muddy water in the puddles on the road. Driving a car in the rain, on the other hand is much more fun. I even blogged about it once, will read it. It must be one of the few posts under the label happy. Just checked, there are actually quite a lot of posts there, and there is another one called Rain Dance, and another long one about a night none of us will ever forget.

High: Actually got some work done, and it was well appreciated. Oh and it just stopped raining, super cool breeze, clear sky, just brilliant!

Low: Got more work because of the good work.

Points: 100 points to me for starting this again. -100 points to everyone whose blog I follow and who have not been blogging.

Image Courtesy: aninditasengupta

Slow

Being stuck behind a slow truck overtaking an even slower truck is what made me think about blogging today. This is what life has come to. There is absolutely nothing that would make me want to write something down. I did think about blogging how we spent our last weekend but just didn't. Lack of interest or just plain laziness? Wish i knew.

We did have some fun on saturday. Played round-toss like crazy in the hall for about an hour, then sat outside enjoying the lightest of showers (it almost feels like the clouds are sneezing, it's like a spray), then we decided to crack open the coconuts that keep falling from our trees. That took a good hour too, for just one coconut! They are so dry it's like cutting through wood. I hurt my hand pretty badly trying to muscle through it, the index finger was swollen like a fat cucumber for three days. Then we cooked our dinner! It was great considering a first attempt at cooking. There were no leftovers either.

Sunday was ok. Didn't do much. Watched Terminator Salvation in the evening, was ok. Oh that reminds me, we also watched Transfomers on saturday, was unneccesarily long. Then we made a make-shift dinner of sweetened deep fried bread with butterscotch ice-cream. Excellent once again.

The rest of the week has been pretty routine and boring. Went to a class as tech associate for the first time (help out during practical sessions) without studying what I was supposed to help them with and got embarrassed badly. Which reminds me I haven't checked my feedback for the same. Gulp!

Later.

Note: Don't mind the typos, blogging from an iPod Touch.

Playlist

Woke up late. Actually woke up really early (0615 hours!) but then went back to sleep. Came to class at 1035. Have been listening to music since. Got new headphones from Bangalore, nothing special, normal Philips 150 bucks stuff available anywhere, sound's great though. My Panasonics are too big and too noticeable (red and silver remember?). They are very comfortable though, this new one is a little uncomfortable because I'm not used to the in-ear variety now. Here's my playlist for the day (on shuffle):

Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love (*****)
Dev D - Saali Khushi (*****)
Delhi 6 - Masakali (****)
Bluffmaster - Parde Ke Peeche (****)
Led Zeppelin - The Battle Of Evermore (****)
Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine (*****)
System Of A Down - Chop Suey (***)
Led Zeppelin - Immigrant Song (*****)
Outlandish - Aicha (***)
Nickelback ft. Santana - Into The Night (***)
Dev D - Duniya (***)
The Rolling Stones - I Can't Get No Satisfaction (****)
Richie Valens - La Bamba (***)
Velvet Revolver - Set Me Free (****)
bodhiTree - XL Ki Kudiyan (****)
Norah Jones - Sunrise (****)
Gorillaz - Dirty Harry (***)
Coldplay - Fix you (****)
Dil Se - Satrangi Re (*****) ((One of Sonu Nigam's finest))
Let's Enjoy - Mundeya De Dil Hil Gaye (***)
Nelly - Hot 'n Here
Led Zeppelin - Kashmir (****)
Led Zeppelin - Communication Breakdown (****)
U2 - Where The Streets Have No Name (***)
Coldplay - Speed Of Sound (****)
Will Smith - Party Starter (***)
Iron Maiden - Fear Of The Dark (Live) (*****)
Rang De Basanti - Rang De Basanti (****)
David Bowie - The Man Who Sold The World (****)
Propellorheads - Spy Break (***)
Taal - Kariye Na (****)
Bohemia - Kali Denali (***)
Black Eyed Peas - Pump It (***)
Coldplay - Death And All His Friends (***)
Led Zeppelin - Heartbreaker (****)
System Of A Down - Toxicity (****)
Johnny Cash - Personal Jesus (****)
School Of Rock - School Of Rock (*****)
Coldplay - Brothers & Sisters (****)
Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name Of (****)
Delhi 6 - Genda Phool (***)
Black Eyed Peas - Bebot (***)
P.O.D. - Sleeping Awake (****)
Coldplay - The Scientist (****)
Kelly Clarkson - Walk Away (****)
Bob Dylan - Mr. Tambourine Man (***)
Guns N' Roses - Welcome To The Jungle (****) ((I was just thinking about this song!))
Modjo - Lady (***)
3 Doors Down - Krytonite (*****)
Coldplay - The Escapist (***)
Kailash Kher - Allah Ke Bande (****)
David Gray - Sail Away (****)
Rammstein - Feuer Frei (****)
ACDC - Back In Black (****)
Amy Winehouse - Rehab (***)
Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane (****)
Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales Of San Fransisco (****)
Audioslave - Original Fire (****)
Javed Jaffery - Mumbhai (****)
Rock On - Zehreelay (*****)
Lucky Ali - Tere Mere Saath (*****)
Eagles - Hotel California (Hell Freezes Over version) (*****)
Coldplay - Politik (****)
Rock On - Tum Ho To (***)
INXS - Need You Tonight (****)
Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na - Pappu Can't Dance (****) ((This song is much more fun when you have a friend named Pappu :P))
Rock On - Ye Tumhari Meri Baatein (****)
Rage Against The Machine - Calm Like A Bomb (****)
Bally Sagoo - Roop Tera Mastana (*****)
Radiohead - Punchup At A Wedding (*****)
Coldplay - Strawberry Swing (***)
Dil Chahta Hai - Tanhayee (*****) ((Another one of Sonu Nigam's finest))
Limp Bizkit - Behind Blue Eyes (****)
Coldplay - Viva La Vida (****)
Lenny Kravitz - American Woman (****)
James Brown - I Feel Good (****)
The Verve Pipe - Bittersweet Symphony (*****) ((I was asked to name my favorite song. I couldn't. She could and this was it.))
Apocalyptica - Life Burns! (****)
Taal - Taal Se Taal (Western) (****)
The Zeest - Sutta (***)
Panic At The Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies (****)

Phew! That's it for today. I'm tired. Last Count - 75+ :D

I.D.C.

It's that time of the training again. One module to go, one week to go. But this time it's different. I'm not as concerned or worried about it. I have stopped caring, hopefully not enough to not even pass. Old habits die hard. Stopped paying attention in class after the first few modules, thanks to boring teachers, and haven't been able to go back since, even when there are pretty good teachers (you can also blame it on the fact that we have a PC at our disposal which makes it pretty hard to pay attention; that is why some teachers make you switch off the monitors and concentrate, but then they become the bad teachers). Stopped doing assignments don't even remember when. Stopped studying for tests more than a day before just after.....actually haven't been able to do that since eternity. Lost my train of thought, dammit! Bah! Chuck it. Later. Can't wait for this Friday to get on with it. Even the weekend is supposed to be utilized to study for Compre. It just gets better and better! Sigh.

Have been browsing through the SLRBB and found some really amazing shots. Sharing a few with everyone. Hope the photographer community doesn't mind. (*Cannot display pic right now. Will post it sometime later*)

P.S. - I.D.C. = I Don't Care
P.P.S. to self - "We knew it would become worse before it gets better." - Alfred to Bruce/Batman, The Dark Knight.

NOTE: If you can't see the image, it's because I shut down my computer whenever am not using it. In case anyone knows of a server location where I can store images, please do let me know. And switch off your PC when you're not using it. (You can’t upload images here, you have to host them on your own server. But the server is active only when you’re logged on.)

Searching....

You must've heard a lot about Dev D the movie. I can't wait to watch it either. What you might not have heard is that the music is simply brilliant. I'm literally hooked to the song Nayan Tarse for the past 3-4 days. Wish it was a bit longer(deserves to be 6 minutes at least). Discovered another gem today:

Jalte jalte raakh jaisi hui hai saari
Khaak jaisi bewajah si umr saaari
Kahan chali gayi hai saali khushi
aiya aiya…
Kahan chali gayi hai saali khushi
aiya aiya…

Jalti aanhein hai saaans bhi
Jali hui jali hui
Dhoondu kaise hai aas bhi
Jali hui jali hui

Saanp jaisi kaali raatein hain
Hai zeher si ye zindagi

Kahan chali gayi hai saali khushi
aiya aiya…
Kahan chali gayi hai saali khushi
Kahan Kahan chali gayi hai saali khushi


Perfect reflection of my current state of mind.
Amit Trivedi is my new favourite composer.